part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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