I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize