YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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