whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
