you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
