It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
