god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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