I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
