On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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