these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
