I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
