Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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