Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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