Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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