I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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