someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
