I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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