Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
