my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
