never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
