I'm going to jail i love you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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