I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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