I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize