i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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