Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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