my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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