I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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