Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
