I bet he comes in French.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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