we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
