Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
