3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize