he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
