Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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