oh god the rape fog is back!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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