I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
