Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
