Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
