i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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