I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
