We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize