my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
