I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
