I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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