You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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