so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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