I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
