I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
