come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
