so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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