I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
