why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
