Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
