so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize