His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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