I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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