Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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