She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
