tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
