Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize