I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
