Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
