God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
