Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
