My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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