she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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