Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
