your thong is hanging out like whoa
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
