Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
