Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
sex in a hospital.. check
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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