atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
