I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
