You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
