a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
