I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This baby is an asshole
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
