She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
