I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
