I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
