all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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