I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
