your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
