omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
