She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
