Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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