Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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