I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
