See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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