I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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