thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
