i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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