not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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