I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
