I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Jerry, you need to find god
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
