guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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