That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
