Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
