he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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