forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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