I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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