Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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