...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
