I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
