i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize