So drunk its hurt
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is wine microwaveable?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
