he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
